Over the years my body has fluctuated from a massive size 30 to a size 16. As a child I was always overweight. Eating was a way of gaining attention from my father. All be this negative attention, it was better than no attention at all from my child-like perspective.
If truth be known I have spent a majority of my life wearing my 'Fat Jacket'. Through all of this time, fat or thin, I never knew what it was to actually love myself. I had perfected the technique of looking happy on the outside whilst inside I was crying.
At last I have realised that this is a journey of a lifetime with no end goal to achieve or weight to
attain. It is an ongoing journey in life to find and nurture the best love affair I have ever had - this time with myself!
Today a dear friend offered me a loving insight into what other people think of me. The interesting thing is that it did not match my personal perception. The mirror I look into reflects back at me a vision of someone who is just not 'Good Enough' (sounds familiar?). With that attitude it is no wonder I find it impossible to love myself, sustain healthy eating habits and exercise regularly.
All the negative, false messages I learnt in childhood, that become reinforced in adulthood, prevented me from developing a sustainable, healthy and loving relationship with myself, my body and the food I put into it. Even when I lost weight I still believed I was 'Not Good Enough' and so the cycle of comfort eating would begin all over again.
Diets, dieting, the weightloss media machine, in fact the total way we view life through a shroud of guilt, shame and negative messages is a trap! All it's messages perpetuate the 'I'm Not Good Enough' belief. How then can we get off this life-destoying treadmill?
The answer is to focus only on self-love. Like any type of change, this is easier said than done so I am following the 8 tips listed in the book Loving Yourself to Great Health by Louise Hay, Ahlea Khadro and Heather Dane:
- Decide You Are Important Enough
- Take Baby Steps
- Keep it Simple and Gentle
- Be Consistent
- Get Helpers
- Have Fun
- Celebrate Even Small Successes
- Think Positive
Let's support each other in discovering a new and loving relationship with ourselves, our body and with food.
I am so excited that you've started this blog Chrissie - thank you for sharing your blog and for so generously using your own unique story to provide support to others so that they can make lasting changes in their lives. Weight is such an emotive and complex issue. I love the idea of simplifying things by taking the 'weight problem' right out of the equation! It is true that you get more of what you spend most time thinking about..so if we keep thinking about our weight no wonder if just increases! I can't wait to see the results that come from 'learning to love oneself' instead!
ReplyDeleteHow much easier it is to create change in life when you have the support of wonderful friends. Thank you for your comment on my blog it means a lot to me. Let me know what works for you and any ideas you have to add to the journey to a love affair with yourslef.
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